Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Has Erotic Romance Corrupted Me?

I was watching television the other day where people were exposing secret kinks. One such woman admitted to her 23 yr old daughter that she makes amateur porn. The daughter was devastated, the mother upset about the daughter's response, but not about to quit what she likes to do. And while the mother confessed her "ugly" sins, the interviewer watched on, judgmental and dismayed. Oh the shock, the horror, that a woman over forty likes sex and wants to share!  Granted, making porn is not exactly my thing, but you know, who the hell cares?

My first thought was, big hairy deal. So what the mom likes to make porn? You don't like it, don't watch it. 

Am I wrong in thinking this? 

If my mother came to me and admitted to rolling around in the altogether on camera, I wouldn't be lining up to watch. (Sorry, Mom, but just...eck.) But I wouldn't cut my mom out of my life for this. If she's not endangering her life or my own, her choices are just that--her choices. 

Often when it comes to sex, what others consider too graphic, pornographic, or overly sexual doesn't offend me in the least. A man and woman in love? Awesome. Two men? Terrific. Two men and a woman in bed? Even better. 

I think a person should be a certain age and maturity level before being exposed to such matters, but sex isn't ugly or dirty. Procreation--a natural function that some take to all new creative highs (and lows) can be downright fun. Yet our puritanical society wants to hang and burn anyone who shows a nipple. Now, you can torture and gut folks on TV and in books and movies, and that's not so bad. But show one couple screwing and OMG, call the National Guard and put at STOP to it. 

I don't know. I just don't get it. I think consensual sex is exciting, beautiful, and a part of life. What's not to like? Everyone has his/her own kink, but if no one's getting hurt and everyone's having fun, is it so bad? 

Or maybe I'm just numb to the shocking value of pee-pees and vaja-jays, writing so much erotic fiction. The first time I read the word "cock" in a romance book, more than eight years ago, I was shocked. Now, not so much. You find course language in books everywhere, from Walmart to Target to Barnes and Noble. I don't attribute this to 50 Shades (as this was happening way before the book released) but to women reclaiming their sexuality and finally admitting they like sex. And it's okay

Yet for every woman who wants to write a sexy book, flash her boobs on TV, or make amateur videos, there are a hundred more claiming it's all sin, women are sluts, and sex should only ever be between a husband and wife (not two people in love, but a man and a woman) in the dark and in bed. I'm thinking those people must be so incredibly unhappy, always hiding their fantasies and pleasures behind the moral right. 

But perhaps I'm a deviant writer who doesn't know any better. *shrug* Again, I really don't care what others think, and honestly, I want to applaud the woman who wants to make amateur porn. Not necessarily for doing it, but for having the courage and belief in herself to do what makes her feel good. Her daughter is an adult, her family on their own. So why should she live to make others feel good about themselves? It's her life! Have sex, have fun, film it... You go girl!

Hell, I've been topless on a topless beach in France. And guess what? No one cared! When it's the norm not to obsess about bodies and sexuality, life goes on as normal. America, get a grip. Hmm, yeah, a tight grip. And have some fun. :)


Lori Toland said...

I've said many times people in the US tend to be way uptight about sex. Geez, get a grip!

Marie Harte said...

Yeah, Lori. Seriously. I agree.

Lance Smith said...

Agree with everything you say . Although...I am "uptight" with something that far too many people of both genders are casual about...cheating. Disclaimer that it probably stems from my first marriage ending because my wife cheated on me with several men when I remained faithful. I have no problem with cougars, playboys, kink, same gender, whatever, as long as the players of either gender are single. When I read about a moarried woman enjoying the life of a cougar behind her husbands back or a married manwho thinks he is the next Christian Gray with a young lady while his wife is at home....that gets my blood boiling. Thank you for letting me vent.

Marie Harte said...

Lance, I completely agree with you 100%! I can deal with reading a lot of different things in romance, but cheating partners is a complete mood killer. At that point I close the book or throw it up against the wall. Cheating isn't romantic or exciting. I find it pretty disturbing (and considering all I tolerate in fiction, that's saying a lot). A true turn-off. I can promise I will NEVER write a romance where the hero or heroine cheat. They absolutely have to have fidelity and loyalty. (This is not to say literary fiction can't be compelling with flawed cheaters, but not in a romance, IMO.)Villains can cheat all they want. ha. That's part of what makes them bad guys. Great comment.

Lance Smith said...

Thank you for the kind words. Frankly you can thank a story about a cheating cougar for swearing off magazines and reading real stories...and one of yours was my first one...Rachel's Totem.

Marie Harte said...

:) Whenever someone mentions "cougar" I always have to stop and think. Real cat/older woman? And Rachel--real cat/woman, minus the older. Ha. Glad you liked it. I love Rachel and Burke. And they pretty much spawned the series.

Lance Smith said...

I did...I sent you an email after reading it and was thrilled when you wrote back. Also. I gotta remember to clarify "cougar" when corresponding with you, considering the nature of your stories!

Marie Harte said...

I remember you, Lance. :)

TracyM said...

I agree with you Marie.. There are too many folk who are 'shocked and/or horrified' by talk or books or tv where sex is mentioned....

Totally agree that as long as all parties are consenting and happy with what's going on then that's the bottom line.... sod what anyone else has to say!!
Sex is healthy, great fun and can add so much to a relationship.

Lance is spot-on.. Cannot be doing with anything that relates to cheating... to close to real life for some people.

Folk can be really odd. It's a bit like some peoples attitudes towards reading erotic romance books. There's a few of my friends who are a bit.. "hehehe you read porn...." eh, hello, NO.. it's not porn it erotic romance or erotica and there's nothing wrong with it!!!
The sad thing is, more often than not these are people who haven't picked up a book in any of the genre or even a contemporary romance with a bit of down & dirty action.. and they deem to judge me BUT all of a sudden it's alright (and kinda expected) to have read '50 SOG' (which I haven't and TBH have no intention of !!) because it's been discussed in the news and you see the cover just about everywhere you go!!

Give me a well written Erotic Romance any day of the week and twice on a Sunday and I'll be a happy bunny!!! :D

Marie Harte said...

Yeah, Tracy. I know exactly what you mean. People who don't read romance love to condemn it. As if wanting a happily ever after, where people fall in love and actually like one another, is a bad thing?? Porn has such a negative reaction, and the puritans love to titter and whisper behind their hands. How dirty, how naughty. These are the same folks caught in unhappy lives because they never get laid. :) Just my opinion, but anyone who says porn is evil is just crazy. It is what it is--sex. Erotic ROMANCE however, is about feelings and a relationship past the physical. Yet the ones who don't read know *exactly* what it isn't. *shaking head* What can you do but smile and ignore them?

Lance Smith said...

Tracy you are so correct. Having discovered good erotic literature has certainly changed my view. Sure I read the dirty mags occasionally, watched porn on a few occasions and thought what the hell is wrong with me??? But now reading well written stories with varous levels of sexuality, I certainly have a different outlook.